“Ask me about my…”

I said “ask me anything” and a lot of you wanted advice!

Ask me about anything except my wiener although I did have a hot dog today

To celebrate 500 of you wonderful people wanting In Deep in your inbox (read: tolerating me talking about things like Taylor Swift and why Queen Latifah needs to make a return to rom coms and why Holes and Matilda are superior films), I didn’t want a cake or a balloon. I wanted to talk to you!

Last month I told you to ask me anything. Here are the answers to the questions you asked; many seeking advice, which I thought was so tender and special. I am lucky that you want to hear it from me and I’m even more lucky that you’re here.

Before we deep dive into more entertainment and culture this year, like (spoiler alert!) season two of DCC (triggered) and anything Nora Ephron (y’all are really going to hate me for that one lol), let’s do a deep dive into what you have questions about first. Happy New Year ✨

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How do I secure a great job by the time I graduate in May?

Okay first I have to say this. Sometimes I think back to college and wonder how I made it through four years of going to classes, having a job, being in orgs, and maintaining a social life on top of homework every single night … people really don’t give college students enough credit! So first things first — a huge congratulations to you as graduation approaches!

I worked at the university career center for three years in college, and your question is still one of my favorite things to talk about. As far as preparing your resume, I made this resource guide for how to land a job a while back and it still tracks. It has a lot of links that might help you, plus a video with some personal advice. But a few overall tips, if I may offer them:

Make sure everyone you knows that you are looking for a job (this is different from asking everyone you know for a job). Work it into your social media posts, your answer when people ask “How are you?”, and conversations with professors. You really never know who wants to/can help you, or will lead you to your next job. People don’t expect you to be “perfect for the job” right out of school. They do expect you to be eager, relatively fun and easy to work with, and willing to learn.

You don’t have to know exactly what you want to do, but nothing is worse than saying “I’ll do anything” or “'I’m open” when someone asks what kind of job you’re looking for. It doesn’t always make you as appealing of a candidate as you may think. If someone asks what you want to do and you tell them “a job on set somewhere” or “a job in post production” or “a desk job,” when they see or hear of something, they will be more likely to think about you. Help them help you!

Never, ever underestimate the power of a cold email to a company’s HR person or hiring manager. Introduce yourself, attach your resume, and tell them you are a new grad who would love to work for them, should any positions in x, y, z open. They may not be hiring that minute, but believe me, next time they are — they’re going digging for your email fist. But do remember — no one can “recommend you” or “vouch for you” if they don’t know anything about your or your experience — so always including your resume (and not waiting to be asked) is a nice touch so they can forward it along at the drop of a hat!

Lastly, I want to talk about something you said: the concept of a “great” job! Decide what this means for you. Knowing what I know now, a “great” job right out of school is two things. First, it’s one where you get to work for or under someone who you truly admire or who genuinely wants to help you grow. This matters more than anything else in my opinion. Two, it’s one that will give you the most opportunity possible. Will they let you shadow people? Will they actually entrust you with responsibility? Ask those questions in your interview! Your first job is about getting real, good experience. It’s not going to be your dream job, but it should be one that you take from. Don’t cheat yourself of that.

I want to get into writing scripts, books, memoirs … any tips?

Yes! Read scripts. Read books. Read memoirs. Read scripts from movies or TV shows made by people who inspire you or are about things that inspire you. Read books and memoirs from authors you admire or are about topics that interest you. Also read scripts and books and authors you hate. You sometimes learn more from these than from the ones you like!

This does not mean reading what’s popular. That will only lead you away from what you feel you are meant to do in your heart and soul, and lead you toward creating for the wrong reason. Then write write write.

How do you come up with questions for interviews?

I am a terrible journalist and I know that. Because I do not think of questions from an objective or unfeeling place at all, and I don’t want to. I draw straight from my subjective and emotional well. I want them to know that when I ask a question, I really mean it, and that I really care.

I have found that when I bring my whole self to the interview — it leads to more real moments. I’ve found that when I create questions from a place of appreciation and specificity about their work (if time allows), allow my true emotions or reactions to live in that space, it’s typically more intimate, more intriguing, and more true for both parties — which makes for a good interview. Think about Oprah, flipping to her favorite pages in an author’s book while she interviews them. It’s just more interesting!

When I feel investment, passion, and excitement about what I’m asking about, the subject feels that. Readers or viewers feel that. So I watch (and rewatch) every minute of their movie, or read their book cover to cover, or study their research study. I try to focus on things you could only ask about when you’ve actually seen the whole movie, or read their whole book. You can feel how different and special an interview is. I love that feeling!

I also love to watch or read old interviews of that person. I think it’s boring and lazy to ask questions they’ve been asked a million times before, and I try my hardest to avoid that. But I do sometimes like to build on previous answers they’ve given, and turn those into new questions. It shows you cared enough to do the work and get creative. It’s also just fun.

Anyone can ask about that one “big” scene or costarring alongside “that” über famous actor. But I truly lean into being as specific as possible in what sparked my interest. I want to know about that little facial expression they made, or that hairstyle, or that creative choice in shot or edit or casting or writing.

I think this approach stems from me being a creative first and journalist second. I understand how thrilling it is talk about what you’ve made or what you’re making, or what reactions your work has ilicited. Some interviewers are more curious about who the person is currently dating or whatever drama they are shrouded in, but I’m more curious about their work, who they are as an individual, and what message they want to communicate or impart — genuinely! And I want them to know that’s what I’m there to talk about. Communicating off the bat that I respect them is extremely important. I always aim to show up as a fan (nothing is worse than disinterest), but never a fan girl (professionalism and some level of objectivity is still important).

I always try to leave questions open ended (other than the time I asked Common something along the lines of, “What is your favorite movie you’ve been in and why is it ‘Just Wright’”). I never want to assume an answer or emotion, although I’ve made this mistake before. (“How did that moment make your feel?” vs. “Did that moment make you feel bad?”) Also, throwing in a fun question up top that reflects your energy or sets the tone for the interview is excellent (reading the room first, of course). It’s such a good feeling when they laugh or smile or get excited. If it doesn’t hit though, it’s so awkward. Lol. But you live!

That’s all ideally. But in reality, it’s rare to get a long interview. So I typically try to create balance with the time I have. A few questions that introduce readers/viewers to an overall understanding about what they’re promoting, a few craft questions, and a few personal or fun or throwback questions.

I try my hardest not to ask personal questions that they’ve avoided talking about with the press before me (at least in my current line of work — I’m not doing investigative or hard hitting journalism!). I let the person I’m interviewing decide when to bring in anything personal. This is more authentic, genuine, and comfortable for everyone involved. And anyone who doesn’t consider that the person they’re interviewing is a human first is scum. But that’s just my opinion :)

I want to get into journalism. Where should I start?

I think you should start a Substack and create an interview series on whatever or whoever you are passionate about and share it with potential employers when they ask for samples :’) (And depending on what kind of journalist you want to be, read and study lots of profiles, features, interviews, etc.!) Take some classes, write for yourself, write for free, write for cheap, then maybe make it into a career!

Any recommendations for fun, low-key writing classes or workshops for adults?

Politics & Prose and Midnight & Indigo are great sites for online writing workshops (I also teach classes for both every few semesters and am teaching one this spring … tehe). Also check out your local library and rec center and book stores — they may have some cool storytelling programming!

What’s the key to a successful pitch?

Many may disagree, but I truly believe in writing how you talk, or if you’re pitching in person, talking in a way that reflects your personality so they get a sense of who you are and how you are quickly. I believe you stand out in a sea full of asks when you bring some genuine flavor (key: genuine) and aren’t so boring and buttoned up and presenting as what you think you should be, or what you think they want. But that’s just me. If you consider yourself a funny person, lean into that. If you are super sentimental, include a heartfelt note. Some say a pitch should “answer a question” or “solve a problem,” but I kind of think that’s BS — at least in the creative industry. I think pure passion and a unique perspective goes a long way. But also, none of this matters if you aren’t pitching the right person or the right audience. Make sure what you’re pitching is a fit for the publication or company or person. At the same time, nothing is wrong with a little risk. But being self-aware is good — so say that you know it is, but wanted to try! (And always give examples of previous work!)

How do you network with writers above you without trying to be grabby? I’m honestly such a nerd and want to know more and express my love!

Before we start, I have to be honest with you. I have always had mixed feelings about the word “networking.” I personally prefer the idea of “connecting” instead. Networking is transactional, and I think people feel that. Connecting hints at a true moment of relation, or more of what you are speaking about at the end of your question — expressing your admiration for their work, or shared passions, topics, perspectives, opinions, (or even differing ones!), etc.

Networking inherently connotes that you want something, now or in the future. I think this tends to scare people off — especially people whom others try to “network” with often. Connecting inherently connotes that you see value and worth in someone outside of what they can do for you. That can sometimes yield better results, when someone feels truly appreciated and not used.

What I hear when I read this is that you want something from this person, like their knowledge or an “in,” but you don’t want to be grabby. I sense your intentions are at odds. And the person will likely sense this and be confused by this too. So my advice is this:

If you don’t want to come off as grabby, don’t be grabby! Don’t ask for anything. Show your appreciation. Let that be the start of your connection. No strings attached.

If you do want to be grabby, just be fucking grabby! Be gracious about it, and don’t try to mask it as anything else. Make your intentions extremely clear. If you want to know more about how or why they did x, y, z, express that, be very specific about what you want to know more about (again, help them help you!), and maybe even say you want to treat them to an in-person or digital coffee to discuss it. If you want them to share your work with their audience (I’ve done this), ask, be clear about why, and make it clear you have no expectations. If you want them to give you feedback on a pitch in real time (I’ve also done this), just ask! Straight up! Ambition is not dirty, but how you go about your ambition is what can be.

One last thing: Be okay with the fact that not everyone has the current capacity to help — or (sad face) they may just not want to. This will make you appreciate the ones who do.

What are your insecurities?

I really had to think about this one, lol, so thank you. Let’s see. I think my biggest insecurity is…