The Saturday Letter: The Butterfly Effect.

#006: Float to. Float through.

Hello from a barstool at the bottom of a midtown building. I’m taking cover from the cold in a pizza shop with kitschy plastic tablecloths, wood-paneled walls, and Christmas lights that clearly stay up year round. I feel simultaneously at home and like I’m in an episode of Stranger Things.

Speaking of stranger things … I’m still me, still a bit unmoored, still a tad temporarily directionless — but also happier and currently full of Detroit-style pizza :) I’m much more grounded than last month. I’ve gotten a healthy dose of Vitamin D from trips to Miami for a wedding and to Turks and Caicos with family.

I love looking for tiny recurring things when I visit a place for the first time; in Hawaii it was the strong presence of beautiful birds, in Chicago it was the amount of bridges and revolving doors, by our second day in Spain, I noticed that seemingly every single person at every single table always had the same drink order no matter the time of day: coca-cola on ice with a lemon wedge (always a lemon wedge). In Turks, I noticed the constant company of butterflies more than any other place I’d ever been; on sidewalks, on the beaches, even when we were out on a boat in the ocean.

I think about this butterfly I found on the sidewalk in the middle of the city right outside of our apartment two years ago all the time

Whenever I see a butterfly, I think it’s someone visiting me from the other side. But, because these butterflies were so frequent, it felt less like a drop-in from a departed and dearly loved one and more like an intentional string of reminders put in my path from the universe. Float was the word that came to mind.

I’ve been largely off of social media for the past two months, re-downloading it only to post or briefly scroll once a week or less for no more than 10 or so minutes. Swiping past news account after news account and image after image of fires engulfing LA prompted me to do this back in January, opening my eyes to just how intense and repetitive and suffocating the algorithm has become. The app I once used for connection and cheeky entertainment was no longer social, but overwhelmingly sensational. I often find myself missing the sacred space of each other, and wonder if that is a delusion too.

Sometimes when I re-download it, I laugh so hard I wonder why I ever got off. Other times I see a photo, and I feel left behind or forgotten or betrayed, and I cry. It’s stupid and sometimes lingers for days. I experience the joy of missing out just as much as the fear of missing out. It is complicated and nice and most of all, it just is.

Turks!

These days I am letting it all float, float, float through me. Whether it’s a moment or months-worth of exploration, I am trying to enjoy the act of noticing. How absolutely anti-social I am this winter, but how much more present I am to everything else. How certain things still affect me or how some no longer do. The sky being very, very blue most days this winter instead of very, very gray. It getting dark at 5 pm instead of 4 pm! All this noticing and moving through it has made me realize that perhaps floating is what is grounding me. I think I’ll keep weepily, happily, wholly drifting along.

As always, thanks for being here. What are you floating to, or through? Message me or leave a comment. See you at the bottom.

Between this letter and last letter, I started Severance and this shit is crazy LOL and I am so in. We finished Hacks — which is 100% my favorite show in recent memory. I have a huge Deborah Vance-shaped hole in my heart, so I’m filling it with the prime-time procedural High Potential (starring Kaitlin Olson, who plays Deborah’s daughter, DJ). I actually like it. We saw the SUNSET BLVD. revival on Broadway and I genuinely think it’s the best revival I’ve ever seen. I always thought Nicole Scherzinger was talented but I also think we’ve severely underestimated her as a culture. And on a gals day out with friends we finally saw One of Them Days … which was fitting because the entire month of January felt like one of them days :’)

Last month I really pursued small ways to bring more joy to my life, and in thinking about it, I realized I don’t listen to as much music as I used to — let alone good happy music! So I pulled up a dramatic playlist called “This is Life” I made forever ago (I think it had to be in late high school or college?) on a walk home, put on my headphones, and decided I was gonna blast it. I had my own little silent disco and I felt like a happy, revived little Mia again! I even danced on the sidewalk a little! Hold my Hand by Jess Glynne and then Could Have Been Me by The Struts was an A+ start. What Now by Rihanna is still a masterpiece and Viva La Vida by Coldplay still hits. Walking on Snow by Jordin Sparks and Doubt by Mary J. Blige … I feel things. (If you want the playlist leave a comment and I’ll link!)

I finally read The God of the Woods and I’m late but can I please talk about this with someone immediately? I also really enjoyed this highly evolved and intellectual interview about gossip over on

Alisha Ramos

’s newsletter, Downtime!

1. Adding veggies to every meal. This is one healthy low lift thing that doesn’t feel like a lot of work and makes me feel better overall every day. Hashtag gamify your greens!!!

2. Pretending to nap. My best friend Shelby taught me this when we were roommates right out of college living in Washington D.C. Just closing your eyes and trying to sleep is enough to make you feel rested for a short period of time.

3. These non-alcoholic Kava Seltzers called Mitra9. I was gifted them by the company and they’re pretty dang tasty!

4. The idea of journaling wants and desires instead of circumstances. Not revolutionary, but a mix between collaging and mood boarding and journaling things that make you happy/are what you want/etc. I have a phone note where I’ve been saving advice and words that have inspired me, like I used to do a lot in middle school.

5. Pinning cute lil animals omg someone stop me.

   

“Since time immemorial, our people have survived the winter elements not just because of sheer strength, but because of our collective power. This winter season, we’ve entered a new kind of storm, with a new administration that epitomizes the most destructive aspects of capitalism and colonialism. There are absolutely challenges ahead, and we are just as committed to doing the work, fulfilling our mission, and fighting for justice and equity for all people and Mother Earth.”

-NDN Collective

Thank you again for reading, sweet friend. Ciao for now. 🤍

Dan and I visiting a butterfly sanctuary in 2019 bc we love butterflies … LOOK WE ARE SUCH BABIES

Hi there! My name is Mia Brabham Nolan and I’m a writer by day and by night, currently living in New York City. I write In Deep with Mia Brabham Nolan, the entertainment, music, and culture Substack newsletter. I’m on Instagram @yourstrulymia. Leave a comment with your thoughts or saying hi and I’ll always respond. Thanks for reading :)