The Saturday Letter: What's Keeping Me Comfy Cozy.

#002: Seasonifying my life, little lamps, and six pages of a book 😊

Nov 16, 2024

Hello from my desk in our apartment. I wish I had a lot more to say about this current space and state of being, but I don’t. I originally started this letter, in some ways, to romanticize life; to remind myself of the good things that come with the bad. They’re here, and I know they are. The sun rises every morning. The moon takes its place each night. I am comforted by that. But there’s a muted disappointment and pain that sulks in every corner, every where I go right now. I am trying my hardest to befriend it.

I don’t need to really go into specifics, because there’s nothing left to say that hasn’t been said. The seasons are changing, and so is, well, everything else. In New York, it went from being the best kind of sunny to a biting brisk. Last week (or was that two weeks ago? Three?), I tried to write a letter about our honeymoon that took place in September, and then my 30th birthday, which happened the month after that. I simply could not. I stepped away from the ancillary schedule I made up for this letter in my mind. I decided to give myself a break, because no one else was going to do it for me, as I learn time and time again. And what really matters right now (especially as a Black woman) other than taking care of yourself, anyway?

So this week, instead of reflecting on recent beautiful moments in my life, I wanted to share a list of ways I’m making my life beautiful. I think it’s working.

I’m seasonifying my life. Last year at this time, I was not in a great place. I was in a better place than the year before that, but I was still getting back on my feet after being rediagnosed with severe generalized anxiety disorder and grieving the sudden, abhorrent passing of my two childhood friends at once.

Therapy was really helping me. Especially with the possibility of seasonal depression creeping up. And in talking to my therapist, something clicked. I realized leaning and listening to the changing of seasons, in every, possible sense of the concept, was healing me.

It was already completely dark outside at 5pm and the sun was rising before 7am. There was no shame in going to bed early, like really early, and waking up early, too. I was rising with the sun. I was getting more sunlight out of my day. And I was getting more sleep. Since the leaves were falling off the trees (my favorite sight in the world, besides the ocean) and flowers were dying or already dead, I kept life beside me in the form of flowers in a small bud vase on my nightstand. It was the first thing I saw in the mornings.

I did a little bit of social hibernating (read: not social isolating), just like some animals start to do when the weather turns. I started making a simple yet interesting recipe out of this cookbook (my favorite; it is still on my cookbook stand) most nights, which gave me something measured and pleasurable to do with my mind and my hands. I baked more, which provided warmth and delight. I collaged with inspirational interviews from magazine pages (another favorite activity of mine, when I have time), got on social media less, and tried my best to stay on top of cleaning (read: actually putting away laundry, lol) for a balanced space more. Fall was healing me. And it is today in some of the same ways.

Working with windows. On the note of social hibernating and not social isolating, I am definitely finding comfort and joy in certain company. But I have found I have to do it in sustainable ways so I don’t fall into my innate desire, as both an ambivert and major homebody, to stay home and see no one. Which, despite what a lot of you may have guessed about me, I would genuinely be so happy to do, lol.

I’ve found the most relaxing approach to meeting up with friends right now — for me! — is giving myself peace of mind with flexibility. Instead of saying, let’s meet at 11am, I pitch a small arrival window and not a time. Rather than meeting at a coffee house or the park or their apartment at 11am sharp, I ask, wanna meet or get there sometime between 11am and 11:30am?

Oh my God, it’s such a small thing, but it’s given me so much mental freedom! Especially in the city. If I’m there first, I gladly read a little bit of my book or respond to texts or emails I’ve saved to go through at once. And if they are there first, I don’t feel guilty!

I’ve found that arrival windows stop me from feeling stressed or rushed, especially when I end up having to run an unexpected errand or am finishing up a task beforehand that I can’t quite assign an end time to. And it stops me from being “late” (because I chronically am!). Time is such a gift. Give it to yourself.

Speaking of “responding to texts or emails I’ve saved to go through at once,” I’m sorry, but I love answering texts like they are emails. Scheduling hangouts and visits and trips used to happen via email, when you made time to sit down at the computer — or with a calendar or planner right in front of you. And conversations about your day and how you’re doing used to happen over the phone or when you finally meet up in person (I love friendly anticipation!). I’m kind of trying to get back to that.

If you know me, you know I get genuinely overwhelmed by text messages. My friend, Frankie, said to me the other day at dinner: “I was shocked when you texted me back in the middle of the day. I know you, and you usually text back first thing in the morning or later at night.” And she is RIGHT. This is because most text messages, I’ve found, have an ask. When can we hang out? When should we do our 2025 trip? What restaurant should we try? Can I have some professional advice? How are you? (Which, I do not typically like to answer in one word or sentence, because I wouldn’t want you to tell me how you are in one word or one sentence!) Lovely, all of these. Really, lovely. But it is really hard to stop and figure out what I’m doing (or how I’m doing) right then and there, most of the time, when I’m working or running around or with other people.

I’ve found “saving” these types of texts (and for fellow iPhone users like myself, either pinning them or marking them as “unread”) and answering them at once — when I have my calendar in front of me and my attention in one place — helps my sanity and my focus. And it keeps me from opening messages and forgetting to reply!

I wrote about this for work, but mindless activities are that girl. And incorporating mindless activities into hangouts has been truly life-changing for me. I don’t know what I haven’t done this sooner.

I interviewed Sara Boccacini Meadows, an incredibly gifted and special artist, for work as well, and I was so dazzled by her and felt so connected to her that I asked if she wanted to hang out one day. She said yes!

We decided to paint in Prospect Park one Saturday morning. She brought watercolors and painting paper, and we chatted while we stroked away. I painted the view of the trees at the far end of the meadow, and she is practicing painting people (not just nature, which is her specialty) so she doodled me (the photo she sent me of the finished project is above)! Honored doesn’t begin to cover it.

I’ve been thinking a lot about how we could have met up for brunch or drinks or dinner or lunch or coffee to talk, or even do some $75 goat yoga class, but bringing some paints to a park and chatting while also zoning out making something beautiful was the most invigorated I felt in so long. Next time, I might bring coloring books to a friend’s apartment to scribble in while we catch up, or maybe put together a puzzle while we bitch about the state of the world! It’s free (mostly). It’s fun. And it’s good for the brain.

I keep a lamp, like, the tiniest, cutest, most happy little lamp, at my desk. I think when people think of table lamps, they think of nightstands and entryway tables and dressers. When I was moving into my apartment, as I was unpacking boxes, I placed this lamp haphazardly on my desk to eventually move it somewhere else and it never left.

I love the way this lamp makes me feel when I start my day. When I sit down in the morning, I turn it on. It has become this signal, this ritual, to begin my workday; and on weekends or nights, to begin my own writing. And when I’m done for the day, when I go to turn it off, something in me shuts down and tells me it’s okay to move on with my day or evening. It’s okay to let go; it’s okay to relax. And I do.

Dan and I were and are big believers in premarital counseling to make sure we didn’t miss any big discussions that might be needed before we joined our lives and became each other’s family. Prior to our first session, our therapist had us read this research article about the importance of developing the skill of learning how to name your feelings, so you can better express them or ask for what you need from your partner.

After that, I became obsessed with feeling wheels. I bought this pillow case and put it on a pillow on our couch. It didn’t look right. I put the pillow in our bedroom. Also didn’t work. I took the pillow case off, folded it, and put it in a basket. It sat there for months before one day I thought to myself: “Oh my God. My office chair!” And it’s perfect.

I cannot recommend getting yourself a cute little personality pillow and keeping it at your desk enough, to lean back on or put in your lap for comfort, squeezing, or hugging during meetings (or therapy). It has made a difference. And every time I look at it I get happy. And it reminds me that feelings are okay. They are valuable information that tell me who and how I want to be in this world.

Dan sent me flowers at work when I had a bad back ache one day, lol. God truly blessed me with an angel

These are some small things I’ve been practicing. They’ve brought me comfort, joy, peace, stillness, or all four in shitty times. And that muted disappointment and pain that sulks in every corner? It joins me. We sit together. It knows that it can’t overcome me. But there is space for it here.

Thanks for being here. See you at the bottom.

We saw Saturday Night in theaters a week after we saw Saturday Night Live (Ariana! Stevie!), LIVE! FROM NEW YORK! It was fun, and I love Andrew Barth Feldman, my Gen Z king. We also had a blast watching Trap. It was the kind of thriller that made me feel like I was in middle school again, watching When A Stranger Calls or Red Eye in my living room on a Friday night with my friends. We also finally watched Nobody Wants This. Dan and I literally stayed up until 2am binging it at once — and *gasp* on a school night! Was not expecting to like it so much. A rom-com done right, in my opinion!

I’m obsessed with

Haley Nahman

’s newsletter, Maybe Baby. When she talked about dancing with her newborn baby girl to a song called Can I by Genevieve Stokes, I played it immediately and also instantly fell in love with it, as she did. I’m a Spotify girlie, and the radio that automatically played based on the song’s style afterward carried me through my afternoon in the lightest, most upbeat yet relaxed state. I ended up liking and adding so many songs I’d never heard. I also can’t remember how I came across Olivia Dean’s Dive (Acoustic), but I can’t stop listening. Haven’t been this excited about new music in a while. Needed this change up.

What I’m Reading, Post-Election by

Anne Helen Petersen

, and phew. I also needed a quick-ish read that hits. I bought The Midnight Feast and I plan to devour it. I read some stat that said reading six pages of a book before bed helps you sleep better. Who knows if it true, especially for murder mysteries, lol. But books are the best medicine. And here I am.

The Esker Shower Steamer Set…obsessed. Usually lil’ smell-good shower steamers come in a jar and you pull it out and put it on your shower floor and it’s gone in like three seconds, lol. But Esker came up with the genius idea to place the steamers in a marble holder in the floor away from heavy steam to activate it and get multiple uses out of it. They sent me a box to try and Eucalyptus Lavender is God-tier. Four Sigmatic sent me some of their cute little teas. It tasted really great (I tried the Happy Gut organic herbal tea), and it’s sugar-free with mushrooms (I randomly love mushrooms!). I don’t think frothy instant tea is for me, though. If you are looking for an alternative to coffee or an extra health boost in your tea, though, I say give it a try!

Also, I’m on the hunt for good cotton undies 🩲 and a good pair of walking sneakers 👟! Any recommendations? Leave a comment at the end of the newsletter, or join the chat below and let me know!

In Deep with Mia Brabham Nolan

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